Sarah’s Corner: I’m Done Complaining
ByI’m Done Complaining
Sarah Pachter
Have you ever read a story from the Torah and thought, I can’t believe the Jewish nation did that!
I always find it fascinating that when we learn segments from the Torah, in hindsight it seems obvious to the reader that the Jewish nation should have behaved otherwise.
We may think:
They should have been grateful to Moshe.
Did they really complain about manna and the lack of meat?
How could they have gotten upset with Moshe when he asked Paroh to free the Jews?
Wait! Rewind! They got mad at him and complained for trying to free them from slavery?
Yes!
When they were faced with mounting suffering, they didn’t have the Chumash in front of them to review and think, Oh! Let’s not complain about Moshe because in a few pages we will be free!
Rather, when Moshe went to ask Paroh to free the Jewish nation, not only did Paroh decline, but he also made the workload harder for the Jews. Now the Jewish people had to create the same amount of bricks, but were not given the proper materials—like straw—to do so.[1]
With more backbreaking work and a feeling of hopelessness, the Jews began to complain and cry out to Moshe. Instead of feeling grateful to Moshe for trying to save them and having the courage to approach the most powerful man in the world, they were angry. Moshe did exactly what Hashem asked of him, and yet the Jewish nation was upset at him for approaching Paroh.
Would we have responded any differently?
More jarring is that the commentaries write that had Jewish people expressed appreciation to Moshe rather than complaining, we would have been freed at that very moment! We should have had faith that this was part of G-d’s ultimate plan.[2]
Are we responding with gratitude today?
Every time there is hardship or suffering, a seed of redemption is planted and awaits our gratitude to open up the final geula. Each time we are tempted to complain, we can instead stop and express gratitude for what we do have.
It’s clear in retrospect, but rather than pointing fingers at the people written about in the Torah, we should examine our current patterns.
Instead of thinking about what they did, think about ourselves. The object of Torah study is to reflect and fix ourselves through learning about the past. Where am I going wrong? What lesson can I take away from this ancient Torah wisdom?
Practically, you might be surprised to discover just how difficult it is to break the habit of complaining. I’ve tried it, and I find myself floating back to my old ways more quickly than I’d like to admit. Rather than setting ourselves up for failure by vowing never to complain again, we can aim for smaller goals.
Try making a “no complaint zone” in one room of your house, or committing to a single hour per day of refraining from negativity. Enlist a friend to join you in sharing daily gratitude before beginning your conversation. Complaining is a difficult habit to break, but the bracha you can receive is well worth the effort.
A childless woman once sought advice from Rav Shalom Arush. As they were finishing, he said, “There is something that could help…” Then he changed his mind and said, “Actually, never mind.”
The woman saw his moment of deliberation and asked, “What were you about to say? Is it a specific tehillim or segula? I’ll do anything!”
He gently said, “No, nothing…don’t worry.” And then tried to send her off.
She begged, “I traveled a long distance to come here, please tell me!”
Reluctantly, he began, “For one hour each day, go into a private room and thank Hashem that you don’t have a child.”
Flabbergasted, she responded, “I don’t understand. Is this a joke?”
He answered, “Hashem runs the world, and doesn’t do anything that isn’t for our benefit.” He ended the meeting with, “Bracha and hatzlacha.”
That night, she turned to her husband and decided, “I’m going to do it.”
Just one year later, the couple welcomed a baby boy, and Rabbi Shalom Arush served as sandek at the bris.[3]
It is one thing to say words of thanks to Hashem for perceived bad, but how can we really transform and feel it?
Rabbi Elimelech Biderman sheds light on this concept with a story. There was a man named Michael who owned apartment buildings in a dilapidated, crime-ridden neighborhood.
One afternoon, Michael needed to drive there to attend to business. An envelope containing $40,000 was sitting on the passenger seat of his car. He left the car for thirty minutes, and forgot to bring the envelope with him. As soon as he remembered, he raced back to it. As he approached, he saw his window was shattered, but to his surprise, the envelope was untouched! He counted, and every last dollar remained inside. Only two cheap MP3 players sitting on top of it were stolen. He breathed a sigh of relief and thanked Hashem profusely for this miraculous moment.
Imagine this man never had an envelope of cash. The cost of replacing his window and technology would feel like an expensive burden. In reality, he was overwhelmed with gratitude because his money was untouched. What could have been perceived as terrible was now objectively glorious, all because of that small envelope.
We all experience losses, but we each have a “$40k envelope” in our lives. Most of us have something that we cherish and are grateful for, big or small. Now, whenever I suffer from misfortune, I try to thank Hashem for the experience with gratitude instead.
In a similar vein, the other night, our family planned to go out to dinner. While getting ready to leave, the children began to bicker uncontrollably. My husband and I turned to each other and said out loud, “Okay, I see you don’t want to go out to eat tonight. Let’s cancel the reservation.” The children were upset, but we stuck to our guns! (Truthfully, I was even more disappointed as I had to bear the brunt of a last-minute, makeshift dinner.)
During our meal at home, I asked the kids about their favorite part of the day.
“Well, the worst part of the day was the fact that we didn’t get to go out to dinner!” Emmy griped.
I responded, “Think about it, Emmy. If the worst part of your day and your biggest trouble is that you can’t go out to eat, then that tells me you have a really great life!”
I said aloud in prayer, “Thank you Hashem for the fact that the worst part of Emmy’s day is that we didn’t go out to dinner. Baruch Hashem!”
My son chimed in almost on cue, “That’s right! Thank you Hashem that we didn’t go out to dinner.” Afterward, we went around the table sharing our gratitude for the perceived “bad” in our lives.
It was a true Brady Bunch-moment, and we were not at all disappointed that our evening turned out this way. A great lesson was shared with my kids that night. Not only did we prove that we won’t tolerate fighting, but we gained a paradigm shift that we would not have benefited from had we simply gone out to eat.
So sincerely, thank you Hashem that we didn’t go out to eat that night!
We can all learn great lessons from the Torah for today, and we have the ability to thank Hashem for the “bad” instead of simply complaining. Hashem promises that through gratitude instead of complaint, redemption—both personal and collective—can come.
[1] Shemot 5:7
[2] Shalom Arush, The Garden of Gratitude, pgs. 22-23
[3] Story told by Charlie Harary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EEF6qMubrU, (Also from Shalom arush book will find page)
I’m Done Complaining
Sarah Pachter
Have you ever read a story from the Torah and thought, I can’t believe the Jewish nation did that!
I always find it fascinating that when we learn segments from the Torah, in hindsight it seems obvious to the reader that the Jewish nation should have behaved otherwise.
We may think:
They should have been grateful to Moshe.
Did they really complain about manna and the lack of meat?
How could they have gotten upset with Moshe when he asked Paroh to free the Jews?
Wait! Rewind! They got mad at him and complained for trying to free them from slavery?
Yes!
When they were faced with mounting suffering, they didn’t have the Chumash in front of them to review and think, Oh! Let’s not complain about Moshe because in a few pages we will be free!
Rather, when Moshe went to ask Paroh to free the Jewish nation, not only did Paroh decline, but he also made the workload harder for the Jews. Now the Jewish people had to create the same amount of bricks, but were not given the proper materials—like straw—to do so.[1]
With more backbreaking work and a feeling of hopelessness, the Jews began to complain and cry out to Moshe. Instead of feeling grateful to Moshe for trying to save them and having the courage to approach the most powerful man in the world, they were angry. Moshe did exactly what Hashem asked of him, and yet the Jewish nation was upset at him for approaching Paroh.
Would we have responded any differently?
More jarring is that the commentaries write that had Jewish people expressed appreciation to Moshe rather than complaining, we would have been freed at that very moment! We should have had faith that this was part of G-d’s ultimate plan.[2]
Are we responding with gratitude today?
Every time there is hardship or suffering, a seed of redemption is planted and awaits our gratitude to open up the final geula. Each time we are tempted to complain, we can instead stop and express gratitude for what we do have.
It’s clear in retrospect, but rather than pointing fingers at the people written about in the Torah, we should examine our current patterns.
Instead of thinking about what they did, think about ourselves. The object of Torah study is to reflect and fix ourselves through learning about the past. Where am I going wrong? What lesson can I take away from this ancient Torah wisdom?
Practically, you might be surprised to discover just how difficult it is to break the habit of complaining. I’ve tried it, and I find myself floating back to my old ways more quickly than I’d like to admit. Rather than setting ourselves up for failure by vowing never to complain again, we can aim for smaller goals.
Try making a “no complaint zone” in one room of your house, or committing to a single hour per day of refraining from negativity. Enlist a friend to join you in sharing daily gratitude before beginning your conversation. Complaining is a difficult habit to break, but the bracha you can receive is well worth the effort.
A childless woman once sought advice from Rav Shalom Arush. As they were finishing, he said, “There is something that could help…” Then he changed his mind and said, “Actually, never mind.”
The woman saw his moment of deliberation and asked, “What were you about to say? Is it a specific tehillim or segula? I’ll do anything!”
He gently said, “No, nothing…don’t worry.” And then tried to send her off.
She begged, “I traveled a long distance to come here, please tell me!”
Reluctantly, he began, “For one hour each day, go into a private room and thank Hashem that you don’t have a child.”
Flabbergasted, she responded, “I don’t understand. Is this a joke?”
He answered, “Hashem runs the world, and doesn’t do anything that isn’t for our benefit.” He ended the meeting with, “Bracha and hatzlacha.”
That night, she turned to her husband and decided, “I’m going to do it.”
Just one year later, the couple welcomed a baby boy, and Rabbi Shalom Arush served as sandek at the bris.[3]
It is one thing to say words of thanks to Hashem for perceived bad, but how can we really transform and feel it?
Rabbi Elimelech Biderman sheds light on this concept with a story. There was a man named Michael who owned apartment buildings in a dilapidated, crime-ridden neighborhood.
One afternoon, Michael needed to drive there to attend to business. An envelope containing $40,000 was sitting on the passenger seat of his car. He left the car for thirty minutes, and forgot to bring the envelope with him. As soon as he remembered, he raced back to it. As he approached, he saw his window was shattered, but to his surprise, the envelope was untouched! He counted, and every last dollar remained inside. Only two cheap MP3 players sitting on top of it were stolen. He breathed a sigh of relief and thanked Hashem profusely for this miraculous moment.
Imagine this man never had an envelope of cash. The cost of replacing his window and technology would feel like an expensive burden. In reality, he was overwhelmed with gratitude because his money was untouched. What could have been perceived as terrible was now objectively glorious, all because of that small envelope.
We all experience losses, but we each have a “$40k envelope” in our lives. Most of us have something that we cherish and are grateful for, big or small. Now, whenever I suffer from misfortune, I try to thank Hashem for the experience with gratitude instead.
In a similar vein, the other night, our family planned to go out to dinner. While getting ready to leave, the children began to bicker uncontrollably. My husband and I turned to each other and said out loud, “Okay, I see you don’t want to go out to eat tonight. Let’s cancel the reservation.” The children were upset, but we stuck to our guns! (Truthfully, I was even more disappointed as I had to bear the brunt of a last-minute, makeshift dinner.)
During our meal at home, I asked the kids about their favorite part of the day.
“Well, the worst part of the day was the fact that we didn’t get to go out to dinner!” Emmy griped.
I responded, “Think about it, Emmy. If the worst part of your day and your biggest trouble is that you can’t go out to eat, then that tells me you have a really great life!”
I said aloud in prayer, “Thank you Hashem for the fact that the worst part of Emmy’s day is that we didn’t go out to dinner. Baruch Hashem!”
My son chimed in almost on cue, “That’s right! Thank you Hashem that we didn’t go out to dinner.” Afterward, we went around the table sharing our gratitude for the perceived “bad” in our lives.
It was a true Brady Bunch-moment, and we were not at all disappointed that our evening turned out this way. A great lesson was shared with my kids that night. Not only did we prove that we won’t tolerate fighting, but we gained a paradigm shift that we would not have benefited from had we simply gone out to eat.
So sincerely, thank you Hashem that we didn’t go out to eat that night!
We can all learn great lessons from the Torah for today, and we have the ability to thank Hashem for the “bad” instead of simply complaining. Hashem promises that through gratitude instead of complaint, redemption—both personal and collective—can come.
[1] Shemot 5:7
[2] Shalom Arush, The Garden of Gratitude, pgs. 22-23
[3] Story told by Charlie Harary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EEF6qMubrU, (Also from Shalom arush book will find page)
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